As a society, we are facing new issues for the first time in living memory; people all over the world are struggling with how these widespread and drastic changes are affecting our lives and our sense of self. As opposed to the “normal” problems we struggled with in the before times, we are now faced with a different type of issue, one that none of us has ever experienced or had to cope with before: lack of touch.
How Lack of Touch Hurts Us
Going without human touch is manageable for shorter periods of time, but over the long term, serious issues can arise, including harm to our mental health. In the mid 20th century, two experiments were conducted to study human and primate responses to lack of positive touch. These studies were done prior to the rules and regulations that now govern animal experiments.
In one study, Harlow put a baby rhesus monkey in a cage with two “mother monkeys” made of wire. One of the mothers was made out of wire and had spikes on it, but had a bottle for food. The other wire monkey was covered in soft fur but had no food. The baby monkey died of starvation because touch was more important; it refused to eat from the “hurtful” monkey. Another study was done with two different groups of human babies. One group of infants had their basic needs met with as little touch as possible, while the other group got the basics along with being touched and held. They actually had to end the study early because the babies getting hardly any touch started to die. Touch is that critical.
Over time, touch deprivation eats away at our sanity. There are studies and articles on “touch starvation” (also known as touch deprivation) and the possible effects it has on our physical bodies, our emotions, and our psyche. Our society already suffers such a “touch deficit” that there are professional huggers and snugglers to bring people that positive, non-sexual touch. Now, we are faced with going for unknowable periods of time without touch, which will not be sustainable over months and years.
Easing the Stress
In cases where people are quarantining/social distancing alone, there are a few practical things that may help. One is having one or more animals at home, as it is the next closest thing to human touch. Another is a therapeutic or sensory brush, which helps with touch sensory and was originally developed to help people who are neurodivergent or fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. Brushing the skin with a soft bristle brush could help with the sensory deprivation of the skin from lack of human touch. While this may seem counterintuitive, the firm brushing has similar effects to getting a full body massage and could help replace comfort of the human hand during this dearth in physical connection.
For those living with roommates, family, lovers, partners or other assortments of humans, there are built in “safe people” to touch, assuming the person or people you live with are not abusive. Negative or abusive touch actually does more harm than good. In a safe, non-abusive situation, the best way to get touch needs met is to give and receive hugs from people you are already in close contact with. Under the current conditions, hugging is recommended daily (even several times a day) to keep our touch ratio out of the danger zone. This is crucial in reducing or preventing depression, anxiety, paranoia, and anger. Lack of touch can lead to decreased lifespan, lower immunity functioning, sexual issues, and decrease our future ability to have a healthy attachment style in relationships.
So if this is something we really can’t live without, and yet we are not allowed to touch each other, what do we do? There are no easy answers. Anything involving touch has an inherent risk right now. However, just like when I work with addictions like food, there is space for discussing harm reduction and risk management, because just like food we can’t just simply stop.
In order for us to survive and eventually thrive, we will need to start assessing risks on who we feel is “safe” to touch. I know we are being told not to touch anyone at all, but as time goes on this becomes less realistic. In sex positive culture, we teach good communication around sex, consent, barrier protection, and STI status prior to engaging in sexual activity. Now in the era of COVID-19, the best way to approach touching is to start talking, be honest, and assess the level of risk.
Here is a step by step approach to “safe touch”:
First and foremost, when thinking about who to include in your “touch circle,” start by looking at your closest people– both emotionally and physically. Figure out who you want to include in your touch circle that you feel you can trust. Then start talking about how the other person is engaging in safety practices (gloves, masks, and social distancing/isolating). Since every point of contact needs to be considered, it is vital to discuss who else they are coming into physical contact with. Ask things like, “when you go out, are you wearing a mask and gloves?” and “have you been able to maintain at least six feet apart when trying to engage in social distancing?” Once you have established what their practices are, it will be up to you to decide if you are willing to risk coming into contact with this person. I would still recommend avoiding contact with most people and continue social distancing.
In addition, you can and should still use masks and gloves to help reduce the risk of transmission. If a person is worried about having been exposed, it is important to communicate this to the people in your “touch circle.”. Continuous discussion is key to keeping everyone as safe as possible. Our bodies need to receive regular doses of positive touch, and making sure we don’t become touch deprived will help combat the physical and psychological effects of isolating and social distancing.
