What is mentalizing, and why is it beneficial? Unlike meditation or mindfulness, which sound similar, Mentalization Based Treatment (MBT) is an evidence-based treatment used most often for patients with personality disorders, substance use disorders, and other mental health disorders.
Our CEO and founder, Carlene MacMillan, M.D., has curated a Spotify playlist to help you understand more about mentalization and what we refer to as “failures of mentalization.”
Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood – The Animals
Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad
But don’t you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I feel real bad.
I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood
“Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” by The Animals relates to the core of MBT: “Understanding Misunderstandings” that inevitably occur between people. The idea is to find people in your life that you can trust, who have good intentions, and to work through the misunderstandings (called failures of mentalization, which can happen to all of us).
You Oughta Know and Look What You Made Me Do – Alanis Morisette
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
The title of the classic Alanis Morisette song “You Oughta Know” says it all. When we are not mentalizing, we tend to make assumptions that the people we care about are mind readers and know exactly what we are thinking and feeling and what we need.
Similarly, Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” features the repeated line “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me.” Lack of trust leads to frequent failures of mentalization and externalization of one’s own sense of agency. In the song, Swift digs in her heels about the motives of a rival and suggests she is not responsible for her own behavior.
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) – Beyonce
’Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
We have a fancy term in MD called “teleological mode,” which we also refer to as “prove it mode.” Prove how much you care. “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” correlates with this mode as engagement rings are often touted as external proof of one’s love in our culture, signaling to the person wearing it and to all who see it that they have someone who cares about them in that way.
The Great Pretender – The Platters
Oh yes I’m the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I’m doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell
“The Great Pretender” by Freddie Mercury (originally by The Platters) captures the way people operate when stuck in “pretend mode,” going about life (and oftentimes their therapy) pretending things are okay. At Brooklyn Minds, we find mentalization groups are the most effective ways to cut through pretend mode as there are many different minds in the room that can hold each other accountable. In particular, we run a group for people with strong narcissistic traits who in their day to day life often keep people at arm’s length but in reality, are lonely and suffering.
For more tunes that can help you understand the modes of MBT, check out our full Mentalization (And Failures Thereof) playlist on Spotify.
